We are not burdens. Let me repeat, we are not burdens. Taking things a step further, this idea that someone else needs more of something from us than we do, based on our perception of their state is a cop out, denying us our own truth and self care. No one needs us more than we need ourselves. There is no heroes award in being a martyr. Instead these actions tell us that our own lives don’t matter. Which means we don’t matter. There is no growth in that.
There is no true self discovery, reflection, or accountability.
We cannot work on ourselves if we are looking to others for the distractions of their problems. It creates a codependency that is unfair to all participants. That is not to say we don’t offer guidance when asked, a shoulder to lean on in difficult times etc. Those things are still important because others are not a burden either. This does not include times when people are acting abusive towards us as that is never okay, and should never be tolerated. It’s about learning how to help while still maintaining our own boundaries, independence, and acknowledgement of our own needs.
You are not a burden. Our struggles and our grief are not a burden.
I am still working on the burden part. I am still learning how to tell people when things are challenging. To open up and allow them an opportunity to offer a level of comfort in an non-attachment way. My boundaries need this comfort to not come from a place of codependency, but in the past I have not allowed people the chance to even try. I have been unfair to both myself and those who love me. To truly give, one must be open to receiving.
So I want to apologize for all the times I decided to carry my struggle in silence, effectively shutting people out. I want to keep improving on myself in this way. I wish to show by example the importance of self care while helping others from an interdependent standpoint. I will continue to work on achieving the balance of letting people in, without feeling like a burden, or worry about becoming codependent in our struggles. I choose to not view life as a struggle. I choose to thrive.
I choose to remember that we are not burdens.