Photo credit: Destinymoon
You would think that, as a woman, I would be well versed in the ways of smooth talking and flirting with other females. Well I’m here to tell you how incredibly untrue that assumption is.
I’ve mastered the art of flirting with men. I’m able to confidently walk up, drop a few smooth lines, and score myself a number with little to no concern. Even if I get rejected, I’m able to brush it of without being hard on myself. Women on the other hand cause me to trip over my words, avoid eye contact and sometimes, end my attempt with the ever-so-suave finger guns. Even if I’m able to muster up the courage to approach her and drop a sincere compliment without butchering the delivery, 90% of the time they thank me as if they don’t think what I said was of a flirtatious nature.
“How do you do it?” I ask my partner, throwing my hands in defeat. He giggles because he thinks it’s cute how awkward I get. He then answers my question with another question:
“Well what kind of things do you like that I do?”
I’ve seen him flirt with girls first hand. I’ve watched him use his charm, with what seems like no effort, that makes some women (including myself) just absolutely melt. The thing with him is that he’s not persistent, he’s not pushy nor does he drop some cheesy pick up line. He has confidence that I would kill for.
“Okay that’s fair,” I answer “but how do you know when they’re actually into you? Like when do you know when to… turn up the flirting?”.
He laughs again. “I’ve never really thought about it but, I guess one of the things I usually do is move a bit closer and if they pull away, I stop completely, but if they don’t move away or they move closer, that’s when I know.”
It was so obvious. There’s nothing that I hate more than trying to give clear social cues and having the other party not pick them up. If someone who I am clearly not interested in tries to move closer, I will make a point of moving away from them. Unfortunately not a lot of men will pick up on that which leaves me stuck, frantically looking for an excuse to get out of there. Body language is one of the most clear ways to observe whether or not someone is interested or feeling safe.
Having a partner that is not only supportive of my sexuality, but who doesn’t use it as a way to score himself a threesome is a huge plus. He genuinely wants to see me happy and will go out of his way to give me a pep talk, or help me verbally dissect a situation or conversation that I’m reading completely wrong. Over the last year or so, my confidence towards flirting with women has improved dramatically and maybe one day, with his help, I’ll be as confident with women as I am with men.
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