I enjoy being a sub because I know I’m equal

The D/s relationship dynamic has always fascinated me. I read somewhere that a large amount of submissive women tend to hold a lot of control in their personal/work lives so the idea of relinquishing power is enticing. I can absolutely relate to that. When I feel as though I don’t have control in many aspects of my life, my anxiety tends to kick in. When a fall into my role as a submissive, I’m able to let go of that. It’s like taking a deep breath and falling into the moment.

It wasn’t always like that though. I questioned why power dynamic relationships never really worked out with previous partners. Was it me? Was I doing it wrong? Or did I just like the idea of being a submissive? It wasn’t until I was getting my hair done by a long time friend that I heard the answer to that question. She explained that what had make things work with her dom was that he saw her as his equal. This fantastic statement and insightful information didn’t really click until I had met my current partner.

One of the most captivating things about my partner is his respect for women, and how intelligence and strong personalities don’t intimidate him. When I hear him swoon over his childhood and current crushes, he often mentions powerful, strong women. Women who are independent, don’t fit the mold and who don’t take shit from other people. Some examples include Seven of Nine from Star Trek, Detective Kate Becket from Castle, Special Agent Scully, Black Canary, Winry from Full Metal Alchemist to name a few. Whether it be conscious or subconscious, he has never been interested in pursuing any kind of relationship with a woman who doesn’t challenge him.

What I think makes our sexual relationship work so well is that he views me as his equal. Just because he’s the dominant one in the bedroom, doesn’t mean he holds all the power. When we play out the scene, yes the illusion is that he in control when he gives me orders, and I choose to follow (or not follow if I’m feeling particularly bratty that day). The reality is, all I have to say is one word, and everything stops.


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You can also Ask Me a Question. This helps me with topics to write about. Polyamory, relationships, attachment parenting, feminism, communication and mental health are just some of the topics I read a lot about and have formed quite a few opinions on.

Thanks for reading!

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